I have played it safe in some areas of my life for longer than I would like to admit. I expend a lot of energy trying to make sure I am not too much or too little. For too long, I have shown up for my business just enough to get the job done. I have feared rocking the boat and letting everyone see that I don’t fully know how to operate it. For some reason, I have lived with this underlying thought that I have to “make it” before I can show up as a “real” leader.

The crazy thing is that I hustle HARD and although most of the time it takes longer than I want, I somehow find a way to achieve my goals. So, the question then becomes, when do I decide “I’ve made it?” Is there even such a thing? I can always do more. What the heck am I waiting for? When do I give myself permission to stop playing it safe, break through the limiting beliefs holding me back, and rock the damn boat?

I can’t be alone here.

When do any of us decide that we are worthy and capable RIGHT NOW? When do we admit that our limiting beliefs are fears disguised as excuses?

How about we realize we would not be where we are at this moment if we weren’t smart and full of potential? It’s not an accident when we succeed. It’s not luck. It’s our hustle. It’s our sacrifice. It’s our personality. It’s our capability and our tenacity.

Let’s stop – and I’m talking to myself the most here- let’s stop holding ourselves back by using the excuses (aka fears) that we haven’t “made it” or that we have to be at a certain level before we can respected. If we want respect, we should try respecting ourselves enough to know that we didn’t get where we are by accident.

Let’s start rocking the boat! Sink or swim, baby. Are you with me?

Now, until to a product that I love! Occasionally on Modern Day Fox, I share things that I love in hopes it helps my readers find really cool products they have never considered. These are not sponsored posts unless I specifically say that.

Last week I tried Kiss imPress press on nails! I put them on a Tuesday night and they lasted until Monday evening with only one nail popping off. I easily put that one back on with nail glue. I got them wet several times doing dishes and showering and they stayed on great. I read some tips that said to really buff and clean your nails first and trim them as short as possible. It also said to press each one down hard for a full 30 seconds. These tips worked and were important. When I went to put on the second set in the package, I got excited and forgot to buff my nails with the file. As a result, I had about four pop off over the next day or so and need to be glued back on. Won’t make that mistake again!

Kiss imPress nails look great and the kit came with 30 nails for only $5.95 at Walmart! Yes, that’s right! $5.95 for around three weeks of beautiful nails. I also recommend grabbing a tube of nail glue to keep on hand just in case some pop off.

Here’s a photo of my second set:

That’s all I got today, folks! I’ll leave you with this… Rock the boat and do it with pretty nails!!

xo

Jaime

Taters!! No holiday is complete without potatoes. Obviously, we know traditional mashed potatoes are full of butter, milk and/or heavy cream. It’s time to get back to the POTATO without all the dairy!

First, a tip from Fork Over Knives:

An Ingenious Hack for Super-Creamy Vegan Mashed Potatoes

DIRECTIONS:

XO Jaime

I have been coaching for over two years now and have seen my challengers literally change their lives as a result of taking chance both on me and the programs I believe in so strongly. The people I’ve met have been nothing short of amazing, and they have changed my life while changing their own.

The best part is that our company and its offerings just keep getting better and better to meet the needs of so many who are seeking a healthier lifestyle. More options mean more questions (which I LOVE) and so I thought it was time for me to address the most common question I’m asked these days. What’s the difference between 21 Day Fix and 2B Mindset?

Perhaps the most popular program I coach is the 21 Day Fix. This is the program that started me on this journey and I’m so thankful that I was introduced to it. The Fix made up of 7 workouts combining cardio and light weight-training, pilates and yoga. This program incorporates a portion control system, “Portion Fix,” using color-coded containers that represent different food groups. Through a calculation, you are given instructions on how many containers of each food group you can consume each day. (Think weight watchers point system, but with more of a concise measuring approach.) The “Fix,” as it is affectionately called, came out in 2014 and took the fitness world by storm. Those that followed both the nutrition and fitness parts of the program saw amazing results quickly. I personally lost 7.25 lbs and 7 combined inches in my first 21 Day round. Even better, my endurance improved drastically. I stopped heaving around my neighborhood during my nightly runs!

Even with the success of that program and the Portion Fix nutrition plan, there was still a void that needed to be filled within the line-up that our company offers. Surprise, surprise – not everyone wants to exercise! Enter the nutrition-only program, 2B Mindset designed by Registered Dietitian and Nutritionist, Ilana Muhlstain. You may have seen ads touting that you can “eat whatever you want and still lose weight.” That’s, well… kind of a stretch. If you are expecting any kind of miracle program where you can sit around stuffing your face with Oreos and Mike’s Hard Lemonade, this isn’t that nor are any of the other programs I coach. While you can enjoy the occasional “silly carb” (as Ilana calls it), you are expected to follow specific principles of the program and to track everything you put in your mouth.

Unlike the Fix, the 2B Mindset program does not require exercise unless you desire to incorporate it. She calls exercise “extra credit” and encourages dialing in nutrition first before embarking on a fitness program.

Instead of color-coded containers, Ilana breaks the foods up into groups – Vegetables, Proteins, Fiber -Filled Carbohydrates (which she refers to as FFCs), and Accessories – added sweetners, dressings, oils, etc. She allows you to divide your plate into certain percentages of each. This method is referred to as “Plate It.” For example, at dinner, she recommends a plate of 25% protein and 75% vegetables. The Fix allows you to decide what time of day you want to eat your containers whereas 2B Mindset steers you away from carbs in the late day hours . Rather than precisely measuring every serving, you are eyeballing portions and using your best judgment. Vegetables are always a freebie and she recommends always reaching for “Veggies First.” You are encouraged to eat three meals per day and incorporate a snack only if you need it.

Now, back to those Accessories. The Fix calculates accessory type foods using “teaspoons” or tiny orange and blue containers. And, sorry guys, but you don’t get very many. With 2B Mindset,you can have a couple from the list at each meal to enhance your food.  Ilana encourages you to be mindful of your portions, but doesn’t call for an exact measurement.

Ilana has a lot of cute catch phrases to help you remember the princibles of the program. “Water First,” “Veggies Most,” and my personal favorite, “Dinner and Done.” I found that “Dinner and Done” was one of the most effective things I did during tracking. If I ate after dinner (which you are not supposed to), my weight was almost always up the next morning. Ilana also walks you through how to handle if you want seconds, and what to do if you are at a holiday event or having an emotional trigger.

I know you want to know more about the Oreos and Mike’s Hard Lemonades, don’t you? Well, it is certainly not a free-for-all, but 2B Mindset allows you to have treats. Whereas the Fix calculates a treat as a “yellow container” and only allows three per week, 2B Mindset lets you decide how many “silly carbs” you can have as long you write it down. You are empowered to decide when you can indulge as long as you track it and become aware of how it affects your weight. To me, this is one of the biggest differentiators between the Fix and 2B Mindset. The Fix is fairly rigid and 2B Mindset is flexible. That’s where the void I referenced at the beginning of this article comes into play. Some people thrive with a very specific, rigid plan. But, many, many others cannot maintain that type of plan and are quickly defeated. 2B Mindset fills the gap to allow people to relax and lose weight in a healthy way at their own pace.

Another key difference between the Fix and 2B Mindset is the tracking component. Autumn Calabrese, 21 Day Fix creator and trainer, recommends that you do measurement and weigh in on the first day and then again after you complete the program. Ilana views the scale as a tool to measure daily progress, so you are encouraged to weigh each day. You can then see if the previous day was a “losing” day or a “gaining” day. If it’s a losing day, then you will know you made successful choices and can then repeat them. If it’s a gaining day, you know you probably need to make adjustments with your portion sizes, food choices, sodium levels, etc. This type of tracking means that your weight loss may initially be slow, but will quickly speed up once you figure out how your body responds to your choices. In fact, the test groups and my challengers found that they saw a big push in their loss in month 2 once they were familiar with the principles and staying accountable with their tracking.

In its new format, the Fix program materials are found on Beachbody on Demand with the workout videos as well. You will be mailed a container set, and with a challenge pack purchase you also get a month of Shakeology and a shaker cup.

Although 2B Mindset can be accessed through Beachbody on Demand, it can also be purchased separately and accessed through the 2BMindset.com website. With your 2B Mindset order, you will receive access in the mail hard copies of the materials, a tracking journal, and a 30 oz water bottle. The program itself consists of a series of videos that are short and to the point. Ilana has a great personality and offers great explanation behind the science of the program principles. And, she hails from Maryland originally, so I liked her and her accent right off the bat!

So, now that you understand the key differences between the programs – how do you decide which is best for you?

Even if you are a person who prefers the more rigid approach, I would highly suggest that you consider getting both programs or adding it to your arsenal if you already have the Fix. Why? Knowledge is power! The videos are so interesting and educational, and you will likely learn things about nutrition that you didn’t even realize. And, I guarantee you will find yourselves in situations where you can’t measure or stay exactly on track with the Fix. This will help arm you with ideas on how to stay successful with your healthy lifestyle.

If you aren’t ready for the exercise part at all, then 2B Mindset is probably the place for you to start. Some questions to ponder:

Will you truly stay accountable by tracking your every bite and being honest with the amounts? (That includes every one of those Oreos!) If you won’t commit to tracking at least for a few months, this program might not be for you. Tracking is essential to the success of 2B Mindset. If you are like me and hate writing things down with pen and paper, no worries about that. There is an app for that! Well, at least for the IoS users, anyway. The Nutrition + app on iPhones is available to track your meals and access your videos on the go.

Next, decide how comfortable you are with making your own decisions about portion sizes and food choices. If you like more freedom, 2B Mindset is for you. If you need a structured, specific program, then you might steer towards the Fix.

Are you unable to exercise because of excess weight or injury? Have you been doing the container system and need a change? Do you have a lifestyle with a lot of travel and events where you need flexibility? Are you willing to be more patient with your weight loss while you figure out through tracking what helps you lose most effectively? If you answered yes to any of these, then 2B Mindset might be just what you need to get rolling into your healthy lifestyle.

How do you get either program? Glad you asked! If you are interested in ordering, you can use my referral links below. When you order through me, I become your personal coach and I will add you into my exclusive accountability groups that I run each and every month!

The very best value for the 21 Day Fix comes with the following:

• One year access to Beachbody on Demand which includes all the BB fitness programs available
• Portion Fix container set
• Access on Beachbody on Demand to hundreds of Fix recipes through the Fixate channel
• 30 day Supply of Shakeology, which Autumn recommends as a daily red (protein) container
• A Shakeology Shaker Bottle

The very best value is the 2B Mindset Challenge Pack comes with the following:

• 21 Learn the 2B MindsetVideos
• 5 Ask IlanaVideos
• 15 Recipe Videos
• Getting Started Guide
• My Go-To Guide
• My Tracker
• 2B Mindset Water Bottle
• Recipes
• 30 day Supply of Shakeology, which llana recommends as one of your daily protein choices
• A Shakeology Shaker Bottle

And, if you are ready to incorporate exercise into your program, you can’t beat the unbelievable value of the 2B Mindset Annual On Demand Challenge Pack with Shakeology. This pack comes with all of the above including the 30 Day Supply of Shakeology, PLUS a full year subscription to Beachbody On Demand with thousands of workout options to stream! You get every single program we offer, anything that comes out during the year, and that includes the 21 Day Fix!

Do I have your interest? Let’s chat! Email me at moderndayfox@gmail.com or message me on Facebook or Instagram – both are called Modern Day Fox. I will give you all the details and none of the pressure. I want you to act when you are READY, and you are the only one who can determine that. I’ll be waiting!

xo Jaime

Some thoughts for the day:

I’m learning it is ok to be vulnerable. Trying to keep it all in all the time is emotionally exhausting. Not to mention, when it does finally come out, it will be ridiculously dramatic at the perfectly wrong time in front of the worst possible person to see it. Who’s been there?

Find a way to communicate your feelings with the people you love. It’s unfair to them not to understand what you’re feeling and yet be held accountable for not being supportive. It’s unfair to you feel like you have to lock your pain inside to protect someone else. That pain comes out anyway, in some form or fashion, so you’re really not doing anyone a favor.

I feel like we create these scenarios in our head that things will be so horrible if we admit our feelings out loud. But, think back to the last time you had a hard conversation. Was it really as bad as you imagined it would be? And even if it was bad, guess what … you’re still here.

Trust in your ability to navigate hard situations and let yourself be vulnerable. Like I tell my kids, use your words.

Now, let’s talk this delicious casserole dish of yumminess…

I ate something similar to this at a party recently. It wasn’t dairy-free, but the person who held the party went out of there way to buy something vegetarian for my husband and me. It was absolutely delicious and I knew I would need to recreate a vegan version pronto. Last night I did just that, and I want to share it with you! You can easily use low-fat cream cheese and real cheese if you are not cutting dairy. I’m not gonna lie – it’s hard to give up cheese. The vegan kind only barely cuts it for us, if I’m being honest. But, wrapped up in this casserole, it was truly delicious and hit the spot!

Veggie Quinoa Lasagna (Vegan)

Ingredients:

One cup quinoa

2 cups Vegetable Broth

1/2 cup tomato sauce

1 TBSP Oregano

1/2 TBSP Minced Onion

1 Jar Chunky Vegetable Marinara Sauce

4 Zucchini, coined

2 cups spinach, chopped

1/2 cup Vegan Cream Cheese (I used Go Veggie!)

1 1/2 cups Vegan Shredded Cheese (I used Aldi brand)

1/2 cup seasoned bread crumbs

Instructions:

If using Instant Pot, add quinoa, broth, tomato sauce, oregano, minced onion, and salt to liner pot. Stir, and replace lid. Set pot to 2 min manual high pressure. Allow a natural pressure release. Remove lid when timer reads 20 min.

Preheat over to 400.

Stir cream cheese into warm quinoa until it is well combined.

Time to build your lasagna! In a 9X13 casserole dish, spread a layer of marinara sauce. Line sauce with a layer of zucchini coins. Spread layer of quinoa (about 1/2 of it) across zucchini. Spread all of the chopped spinach over quinoa. Spread another layer of marinara sauce. Spread a layer of cheese. Add another layer of zucchini coins. (This should use up all your zucchini.) Add another layer of quinoa (using the rest of the quinoa), followed by a layer of sauce and then cheese. Finally, sprinkle the bread crumbs across the top of your casserole. (If your bread crumbs aren’t seasoned, add some salt, pepper, and oregano to them.)

Bake for 30 min. Then, raise the temp to 425 and bake for another ten minutes.

Serve with some crusty bread and salad. Enjoy!

I feel like I just had a stroke of genius. I have a surplus of garden cherry tomatoes and needed to do something with them fast. It occurred to me to pop them in my air fryer like I do everything else!

Sadly, my chest puffing over my great idea didn’t last too long. After I made these delectable little bites, I googled and found that some other smart cooks had already thought of this.

So, alas, I’m not doing anything totally revolutionary here, but maybe here is the first time you have heard of doing this. That’s enough for me!

Here’s what I did:

Air Fryer Roasted Tomatoes

Ingredients

1 cup cherry tomatoes

1 Tbsp Olive Oil

1 teaspoon dried basil

1 teaspoon minced garlic

Salt and Pepper to taste

Directions

Line your fryer basket with foil. This is of course optional, but highly recommended. Tomatoes pop and they are messy.

Toss tomatoes in a bowl with all other ingredients.

Pour into lines fryer basket.

Set fryer at 400 for ten minutes. You will hear some popping! That is normal.

When timer goes off, your Roasted Tomatoes should be done! If you desire more roasting, add an extra few minutes.

Enjoy! I served some over spaghetti with portobello mushrooms and topped with pine nuts! Yum!!

Someone commented the other day that I’ve “upped my selfie game… big time!” Ok, I admit this made me beam! Mostly because it came from my 21 year old niece who is way cooler than me. I wanted to give you the story behind why the look of most of the photos I post of myself have changed their look recently!

I stumbled across an IG star named Sorelle Amore and she has a course called Advanced Selfie University. The course goes through how she sets up really cool selfies using her DSLR all over the world in her travels. After buying the course, I just realized that it’s so crazy that I take everyone else’s photos and never my own! Why do I always let someone else tell MY story through photographs? Better yet, why do I post crappy cell phone selfies that make me cringe? That’s not who I am. I’m creative and I want my social media page to really reflect my personality. Setting up my own self portraits is super challenging and fun. I’ve especially loved making the mundane – stuff like laundry and day to day mom life- interesting through photos. I think people like to see behind the curtain.

Just a few examples – check out my Instagram @moderndayfox to see some more!

Beans

1 small diced onion

1 Tbsp minced garlic

1 tsp smoked paprika

2 cup dried beans (pinto, navy, northern – can be a combo)

4 cups water or broth (or a combo)

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

DIRECTIONS

Remove lid from pot. Press Saute button.

When pot is hot, add one diced onion and minced garlic. Saute until translucent.

Add one tsp smoked paprika and saute for another minute.

Turn pot off.

Add two cup dried beans and 4 cups water or broth and salt. Stir and replace lid.

Set pot to manual high pressure for 55 minutes. Allow natural pressure release after timer goes off.

BBQ Sauce (make while beans are cooking)

1/2 cup water

1 can tomato paste

1 Tbsp apple cider vinegar

1 Tbsp maple syrup

1 Tbsp worchestshire

1 Tbsp low sodium soy sauce

1 Tbsp coconut aminos

1 Tbsp yellow mustard

1 Tbsp molasses

1/2 tsp onion powder

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp smoked paprika 

DIRECTIONS

Stir well in small mixing bowl. Then, pour into small sauce pan on stove. Heat over low heat. Once it is warmed through, add 1/4 cup coconut sugar. Continue to cook over low heat until completely dissolved. Taste and add more sugar, if desired. Brown sugar works well too!

After the pressure is completely released from the Instant Pot, remove lid and stir. Your beans should be fully cooked, but sometimes they can be finicky depending on the age of the beans (or the lunar phase of the moon 🙂 ). If your beans are still too firm, cook another ten minutes in the Instant Pot. I found 55 minutes with a natural release to be the correct amount of cooking time fairly consistently during my experiments with this recipe.

If beans are cooked to your liking, add more salt, if desired. I added another teaspoon of salt for my salt preference. Stir in barbecue sauce. I also added one Tbsp Frank’s Red Hot Sauce for a little heat! Beans will continue thicken as they sit. Serve, and enjoy!

Here’s a video tutorial to show you how it’s done!

xo Jaime

Hello, friends! First, some deep thoughts from the weekend I want to share:

I was at a conference for my full time job in technology sales over the weekend, and we had a speaker for our Women in Technology group. She said the best advice she ever got was, “Don’t let your comfort zone become a dangerous anchor.”

Isn’t that so true? When you find still waters, it’s easy to just safely float there for the duration. The problem is you never go anywhere – not back, not forward, you just stay in the same spot forever. And while that may sound appealing to some, it is not sustainable. Aside from inevitable boredom alone, there are bound to be storms that come through. Sometimes it is dangerous not to move from the storm’s path.

If you are incapable of moving because you’re anchored to the status quo, that potentially leads to drowning. Be brave. Make yourself uncomfortable. Don’t give up on your passions even if they aren’t what’s paying your bills right now. Have hard conversations. Be the change. Pull up your anchor and sail somewhere new! THAT is how you grow.

Ok, now let’s get to this soup. Maybe it was just because I spent the weekend in blazing hot Florida, but it got all kinds of chilly in Tennessee yesterday. I know that due to our crazy weather pattern here I will be back to wearing tank tops and shorts by the weekend, but it was actually kind of nice to have a day that almost resembled Fall. We don’t get many of those! The crisp air immediately made me crave soup. Well, that, and I still haven’t gone to the grocery store since my return, so I had to get creative with dinner. I decided to experiment with making Minestrone in my Instant Pot, and it was a SUCCESS. My kids even liked it, although they would never openly admit that. They took more than two bites, so I’m calling it a win!

When you review this recipe, I’m anticipating one question on repeat. Why did you not cook the pasta on high pressure? Yes, I know that I can cook pasta in the Instant Pot, but I wanted to be very careful about making sure I kept a nice texture on all the various ingredients in this soup. I did not add the zucchini in the high pressure cycle either because I wanted to maintain the firmness. One thing about the Instant Pot – your vegetables and pasta can turn to mush in a heart beat. It’s better to spend a few extra minutes boiling the pasta and zucchini than have a bowl of mush, right?? If you decide to try cooking your pasta during the high pressure cycle, I recommend adding all six cups of water or broth at the beginning, and doing 4 minutes high pressure instead of five. I’d love to know how it turns out! Or, just follow the recipe as written and you can be sure you will have nice, firm ingredients and that all-day simmered taste.

Note: There is something going on with my recipe plug-in for WordPress, so my apologies for the different format on this recipe!

MODERN DAY FOX INSTANT POT MINESTRONE (VEGAN)

Serves 4-6

Ingredients

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 tablespoon minced garlic

1/2 diced onion

2 carrots, coined

3 diced celery stalks

1 tsp salt, plus more later if desired

1 tsp rosemary

1/2 tablespoon oregano

1 tsp Basil

1/4 tsp pepper

1 tablespoon garlic powder

Pinch crushed red pepper (optional)

1 28 oz can crushed tomato

6 cups water or broth

2 cups dry pasta (bowtie, rigatoni, penne)

1 diced zucchini, medium

1 can kidney beans, drained

1/2 tablespoon lemon juice

I/2 tablespoon red wine vinegar

3 cups chopped kale, stems removed

Instructions:

1. Set pot to saute and heat olive oil.
2. Add garlic, onion, carrots, and celery. Saute for 2-3 minutes until onions start to turn translucent.
3. Add salt, rosemary, oregano, basil, pepper, garlic powder, and crushed red pepper. Saute for one more minute. Keep stirring so your seasonings do not burn.
4. Turn pot off.
5. Add crushed tomatoes, 4 cups water or broth, and stir.
6. Replace lid on instant pot and set pot to 5 minutes high pressure. Be sure to turn the knob to Sealing so your pot comes to pressure.
7. When the timer goes off, use a quick release for the steam.
8. When the knob drops, remove lid and turn pot off.
9. Add the other two cups of water. Stir in dry pasta, zucchini, and kidney beans.
10. Set the pot to Saute and allow contents to boil and cook pasta thoroughly.
11. When pasta is finished cooking, turn pot off.
12. Add lemon juice, vinegar and kale. Kale will soften into the soup in a few minutes.
13. Do a taste-test and add additional salt, if desired. I like my soups to have a saltier flavor so I added two additional teaspoons. I also used water instead of broth so I needed to make up for the salt that would have been in the broth.
14. Serve, and enjoy!!

Results time! The patriotic Walmart bikini strikes again 🙂

I just finished coaching and participating in the brand new LIIFT/HIIT program released by my fitness company. With only four workouts a week ranging between 30-40 minutes, this program fit perfectly into my busy summer. The flexibility of being able to move workouts around each week made it so much easier not to miss. There are times in my life when I need a stricter routine, but not in the middle of summer and then back to school. I also absolutely loved lifting weights and was using 20lb dumbbells for the majority of the exercises by the final weeks of the program.

My personal goal with this program was to maintain my weight and build muscle. As you can see in the pics, there is not a huge difference and I’m totally ok with that! Everyone has different goals when they start a fitness program and mine was to get through the rest of the summer without gaining weight. I did it! I did lose a good inch in my mid-section so my side pose result is the one I am most pumped about!

I have successfully maintained a 13 lb weight loss since the beginning of this year by committing to my at-home workout programs, drinking my superfood shake, and following simple principles laid out in the nutrition programs. I have had a tough year and these programs have saved me. That’s not being dramatic – that’s being honest! My challengers and my trainers have shown up for me every time I’ve pressed play. I love always having something to work towards and a community with whom to share it .

If you are intrigued by a program that combines weight training and bursts of high intensity exercises and gives you results in only four workouts a week, we need to talk! I will be kicking off my round of challenge groups on Sept 17th!! I want to help you change your life for the healthier!!!

Fill out this form and I’ll contact you!

Check out this progress photo from when I committed to my first program until now!

I am slowly piecing together what will be my next studio album, doing some songwriting but also reviewing songs by other writers that I love. Tonight a dear friend sent me a sampling of her songs and there was one on particular that hit me right between the eyes. It is called “Concrete Shoes.” This song struck me because it so clearly defines how I feel right now. It talks about trying to get over loss, but feeling weighed down by a broken heart and concrete shoes.

When you lose people you love, I think it’s an accurate comparison to say it feels like you are walking around in “concrete shoes.” Even the simplest tasks just feel so heavy and hard. For me, every workout is a struggle right now. I have to talk myself into it because I know it is so important for my continued health. Every meal prep feels like I’m wading through my kitchen in slow motion, but I do it because I’ll have even more stress if I don’t. Getting motivated to work feels like climbing a mountain with no rope and harness, but I do it because people are counting on me. I desperately want to kick off these heavy shoes. They feel so unfamiliar and uncomfortable, but they seem to be the only pair that fit right now. It’s unrealistic to think that I could just slide right back into my proverbial flip flops so soon after losing two people that I love.

One of my favorite artists, Peter Gabriel, said he was intrigued by how people could use music as an “emotional toolkit.” There is comfort in hearing someone else put the feelings you can’t voice into words. In fact, I’ve been trying to listen to the saddest music I can find these days. Sounds crazy, right? It’s not. It’s a release. Just like my friend’s song put into words my current emotional state, other songs are helping me let the tears flow a bit. It’s hard keeping it together all the time!

If you are struggling with loss- and I know so many of you who have messaged me are indeed struggling too- I encourage you to turn to music to help you make some sense of what you are feeling. Just keep listening and listening until you have that ah-ha moment where it seems the artist is writing lyrics straight out of your heart. Feeling understood is difficult, especially after loss. Let the music slowly chip away at your own “concrete shoes.”

“I have nothing left to lose

Except this broken heart and these concrete shoes.” (Steff Mahan)

XO Jaime

As most of you who follow me know, I lost two best friends back to back this year. I feel like a broken record telling people over and over again, but it’s almost like I have to keep talking about it to even believe it really happened. It seems everyday a tag with one of them comes up in my Facebook memories to which I have a love/hate reaction. I love remembering, but it stings having to “remember.” It’s just plain unfair, you know?

In May of 2017, my friend, Chad Trout, was diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroendocrine Pancreatic Cancer and was told it had metastasized in his blood. Very quickly, his condition became grave. Chemo treatments brought back his quality of life and extended his time here by a year. Over the last year of his life, Chad had some real moments of growth and strength. He shared his epiphanies publicly and so many were touched as a result. I wanted to share this post with my readers that Chad post just months before he passed away:

“Vanderbilt is holding me tonight & possibly tomorrow too!

So, after nearly 4 days in the hospital, I’ve learned a lot more about my health and situation. As most of my friends & family know, I have been fighting stage 4 pancreatic & liver cancer for 10 months. Against all odds, I kept getting better and making huge progress. In that time, I’ve been enlightened, found new identity, appreciated my existence, had the opportunity to make things right, and mend fallen fences. My marriage has gotten even stronger. I’ve searched for and discovered answers, been celebrated and saw the face of time. But, more importantly, I discovered the meaning of faith! Those are the good things that cancer has brought into my life.

The truth is – it’s been there the whole time. Being in crisis mode just forced me to make changes and become aware of those things a lot faster. Cause, the only other option is to lay down and give up. Only, I am not one to give up! Even in my darkest hours, I’ve kept the music and my dreams alive. Cause, without that there would be no hope. It’s such a privilege to share my talents and stories with others!

On the darker side of things, I have felt hopeless, scared, angry….. lost! Like, I’m fighting a never ending battle. Right now, I am in a hospital fighting a life threatening cancer, a blood infection, jaundice, chronic pain, exhaustion, needles, IVs, surgeries, procedure after procedure, chemo, oils– just to have or buy little more time. It seems bad news is always around the corner…. my dreams, my future, my life seems to all be slipping away from me, slowly. That shore seems impossible to swim too!

I’ve just painted two pictures and two versions of my life. Which of these scenarios do you like best? Which scenario, would you choose? Because, in reality they both are happening. My point is that we all have a choice in life to choose our own happiness. Despite it all, I am a happy man. I am a blessed man! I FACE my issues instead of running away. So, tonight I ask you look at yourself before bed and FACE yourself ( Find what’s working, Acknowledge it, Celebrate & Enjoy = F.A.C.E.) Look at whatever challenges or hurt you might carry around and let it GO! Set it free. It’s just to damn heavy to lug around.”

— Chad Trout

How’s that for perspective? A man staring down the end of his life at 41 years old can look at a situation holistically. If he can, you can. What things in your life are you focusing on the most? Whatever those things are will be the direction you keep heading. Granted, there are things out of your control. Chad’s illness was far out of his control. As I mentioned before, he passed away just two months after posting this. But, he fought to the end. His attitude and perseverance changed people – many of whom he didn’t even personally know! Had he conceded to his diagnosis, he would have missed the most powerful year of his life. He traveled, he loved, he hugged, he spoke, he sang, he cried, he fought. His attitude was hopeful until the day he passed. In fact, the day before he died, he was mumbling “fight the cancer, fight the cancer” in a drug induced sleep.

Maybe you are in the same situation as Chad where you have a terminal illness. My heart aches for you, and I hope Chad’s example will encourage you to make the very most of the time you are given. For those of you who are in the midst of hard times, I implore you to heed Chad’s advice above and find a way to acknowledge the positive things in your life that coexist with your struggles. Find gratitude in the simple fact that you have you opened your eyes to another day. Be grateful that you have food in the fridge, good friends, your health, or a car that runs. There is always something to for which to be thankful, so start there even if it seems so minute. What you focus on becomes your reality. Are your thoughts in support of who you truly want to be and the life you want to live? Perhaps shifting your perspective on your struggles may help improve your mindset and, in turn, your reality. Even in the midst of watching him pass before my eyes, Chad taught me to F.A.C.E. hardship head on and find the beauty in the moment. Let us all learn from his example.